I should be sponsored by Trojan
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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