I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
