Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
