I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
