What a fucking waste of an outfit
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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