Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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