whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
wow bdsm is so cute
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
