No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize