Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
