Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize