he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
