C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"