THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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