Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
