So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
