Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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