The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
