dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
