even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Ketchup is God's man juice
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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