Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
