Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
