Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
