So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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