ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
