I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
