If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
do nipples grow back?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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