the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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