Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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