I am midnight drunk by noon
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
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just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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