Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
