I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm jealous of your bromance
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
