you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
