Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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