Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize