I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
