Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
