How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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