the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
