i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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