oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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