If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
