The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
nutella sex= disaster
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
