Need sex. Gaining weight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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