my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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