remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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