mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
