I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
