I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize