she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
this just has baby written all over it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
