I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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