I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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