if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
