you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
