Do you still have your period?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
