we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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