made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
