I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
