Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
