At least make sure they are 18
Why
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
