We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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