There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
