Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
