sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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