I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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