I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
