If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
