I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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