I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
now i know why i became what i already was.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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