hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
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Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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