Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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