Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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