I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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