lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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