I love black thongs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
