could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
