Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
