Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he shaved USA in his pubs
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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