Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my being single is dangerous.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
