After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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