btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
